"Other" Bowie Fan Links
A Brief History of Filthy, Sexy Fun
All Bowies love The Man and his music. But many/most Bowies also love The Man's other ... Attributes. As you know
from our section on Jareth's Anatomy, David's Northern latitudes are full of wonderful and interesting stuff. That's the
big, glossy blade of The Bowie. But David's Southern Hemisphere has other attributes that are very exciting.
This is the handle of the Bowie, where you can find secret, sensitive parts like the hilt, the blade tang, and even the little
rivet thingies that hold it all together. This is a delightful area, because unlike the knife part, it isn't sharp.
It's safe to play with.
David used to be somewhat generous about sharing these attributes. Actually, thousands of people were once allowed
to handle the
handle and tickle the rivets and stroke the tang and have great fun. The City was prosperous and the people rejoiced!
Everyone reveled in the glorious entirety of The Bowie.
But then, very suddenly,
a great tempest came and disrupted the natural peace and harmony of this region.
The name of this tempest, was Iman. A pall fell over the countryside, and the City became closely guarded and forbidden,
its marvelous blade and other attributes hidden from the public.
Today, Iman still has a grip on the handle, and the attributes don't get out much. This has been a real bummer for
the fans, especially from 1993-2003, when the blade was still touring, and The City would have been totally accessible
for exploration and conquest.
As their only outlet for this frustration, some fans have created websites in honor of The Bowie's
much sought-after attributes. These sites are hilarious but understandably dirty. They're a journey to the closest
we'll ever get to bedding these, Jareth and Ziggy and Aladdin and all the other scrumptious Bowie personas.
He's
the greatest Rock Star who has ever lived, so...
Perve
and peruse at your leisure and discretion.
Areaology.com
The Original, Noob-friendly site for Bowie's Southern Attributes. Get educated in "The Area" and what it means.
David is many things to the music industry (Hunk, Genius, Alien, Legend, Rock God, Angel)
but his reputation as
a frisky, studly mustang is just as famous (and deserved). Part of BowieLove is learning to appreciate his spirited
libido, and Areaology is a good first
stop: Suffragette City on the Road to True Bowie Fandom.
C o A
The Church of Areaology. Seems to be cached from Geocities, but highly functional. Has lots of info, serious
Bowies who are just as serious about worshipping his Area, and an incredible
photo gallery. Photos of The Area, but also of The Bowie in general. Many Ziggys and impressive Bowies from many time
periods. Funny site. Be sure to check out the Sharea: Folks who got lucky (or were rumored to. Lucky bastards).
These guys might just love David's junk even more than we do.
Can't Get Enough!
Not for greenhorns! This is a harsh (but hysterical) review of Labyrinth, with emphasis on Jareth's Junk. These
people aren't
fans, but they sure put the time into this polished, scathing commentary. If you're secure in your Fanhood, you
should be able to get some cheap laughs.
Proud to Perve
It's tempting to say that these sites are exercises in perversion, but the reality is even more or less disturbing.
The fact is, millions of people are in love with David Bowie. Who the hell wouldn't
be? You see Labyrinth and it just happens. You hear Space Oddity or Ziggy and it starts to happen. Before you know it,
you're hooked on him. He gets into your brain and starts re-wiring your ear for music, and
suddenly you can't even listen to your other CDs anymore. They used to make you happy, but now they're so boring and
terrible that you just get rid of them.
Only Bowie does this.
He ch-ch-changes you and ruins you for anyone else. You fall for him. ALL of him!! His weird and wonderful mind,
every shade of his beautiful, guarded soul,
his hypnotic
eyes, his purring voice that
sends you into the satiny delirium that all fans know and need and crave constantly...
The True Fan loves every
inch of this dude, including his junk.
These sites just talk about what we're all thinking, what we dream about, what we all pretend is the case when we're
having sex with other
people.
(Us too. If wanking to David Bowie is wrong, we don't wanna be right.)
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c/o Champion Valley